Mother's Day

Mother's Day looks like Easter and feels like silk. It's one of the only "Hallmark Holidays" that actually make me warm and fuzzy inside....but that's more of a testament to my mom than Hallmark. My mom is one of those women that amazes those around her and never seems fazed by slight downturns in the road. I can't tell, from the stories her brothers and sisters tell, if she was always such a kind, generous, witty, even-tempered woman, or if my brother Brian and I drove her to that state.

She had to endure a lot when Brian and I were growing-up and somehow manages to only cling to the happy memories from our younger years, which she tells in her half-laugh-half-talk voice when we go home and visit her and dad for Christmas. She rarely snapped and never looked disappointed to see us at the end of an entire day of teaching high school kids (which in retrospect seems more like a superpower than a characteristic). She empowered Brian and I to do it all, which seems to have worked if two happy and quasi-sane grown kids count as success. Sometimes I wonder if she regrets telling us to follow all of our dreams down every rabbit hole, or reaching for the top until we had smiles plastered on our face. Sometimes I wonder if Brian and I were less ambitious, travel-hungry fiends we'd still live close to home and be around for the Saturday tennis matches and Sunday BBQs.

She'd never raise her kids like that, which I suppose answers my question. But I still wonder as I sit here in a coffee shop in NYC and think of her on a slightly foggy day in San Francisco with her mom and all of our cousins and aunts and uncles gathered around one table.

I miss her smile :)